My Sister

[BubbleBoy]

Hey, I need to share a concern right now with some people who hopefully can help me with overcoming it. Today, the pastor at our church did a sermon on evangelism. He threw out a statistic (I don't remember the source, but I remember the numbers) that 95-97% of people in this country who call themselves Christians have never shared their faith. First of all, wow. That's worth its own thread right there.

But the thing is, this particular sermon was very personally significant to me at the time, strikingly so in fact. You see, about half a year ago, my sister revealed to me that she was not a Christian, and has not been for some time. It concerned me at the time, but I didn't really know what to do about it, especially since I had been having doubts about Christianity at that time as well. And today was the very day that had been planned for my sister to come home with us again after the end of her summer classes. In fact, I had been thinking about my sister and her faith that very morning, and I actually went to the service rather than my youth group that day in order to pick up my sister earlier. Looking back, I think I take that all as a very sign from God.

Anyway, after the sermon, I realized that if I or someone else didn't do something soon and try to lead her back onto the right path, it might be too late, and I would only have myself to blame for her damnation, something which is now riddling me with guilt. I planned on talking to her tonight, trying to think of how to approch her and what to say, but the thing is, aside from being terrified of losing my sister as a friend, I'm a little unstable in my faith right now myself, and I'm not sure how effective I would be, or even if God wants me to do this, especially since as a persuasive arguer, my sister might even hinder my own spiritual progress.

I have been considering telling my parents about my sister, because they do not know of her conversion yet, although my sister made it pretty clear before that she didn't really want them to know about it, for fear of negatively altering her relationship with them somehow. I'm on edge about it, but I think that for her ultimate good, it is probably better to risk my relationship with her, or my parents', in hopes of assuring her salvation.

In short, I really don't know what to do here. I don't want my sister to i love you, or anyone else for that matter, but I'm not sure how to go about changing that. I'm not sure whether confronting this problem myself will strengthen my faith or injure it, and I don't want to take many risks in this fragile stage of my life. I would really appreciate encouragement (the verbal kind) to do what is right, but especially prayer to give me the strength to do it. If I succeed in bringing my sister back home, I think this could be a great leap for my faith.

[Alex_Olijar]

First of all, not to make this about your faith (I only mention this because you've posted some other stuff about your situation), but I think your drawing too much of your Christian Identity from "being successful". Is it fantastic to share your faith? Yes. Is it highly encouraged and rewarded? Yes. Does witness making you a Christian? No. You might be applying a bit of a worldy standard to your situation. Just something to think about.

It appears your sister is around 20. You are around 16, if I recall correctly. The first thing that jumps out to me is that, especially if she does not claim Christ, she is going to feel like she knows all the answers or that she knows none of the answers. Our demographic doesn't really have much of a mid ground. We either think we're untouchable or we think we are worthless. Each side has different problems. If she thinks she knows the answers, she will mostly likely be able to easily discount whatever you say in her mind (you are her younger brother, not a professor, etc etc). If she does not think she knows anything, she could be in a similar emotional position as some of the posts you've made indicate you are in (self-doubt, etc etc).

My personaly opinion is that you should just be honest with her. I am a very big fan of relational honesty, especially when it is not encouraged by the world. And the world certainly says you should not tell her you have doubts about the very thing you want her to put faith in. Some people older than I will probably have better advice though. I shall remember you in prayer for tonight! Keep us updated!

[BubbleBoy]

First of all, not to make this about your faith (I only mention this because you've posted some other stuff about your situation), but I think your drawing too much of your Christian Identity from "being successful". Is it fantastic to share your faith? Yes. Is it highly encouraged and rewarded? Yes. Does witness making you a Christian? No. You might be applying a bit of a worldy standard to your situation. Just something to think about.

I was hoping I didn't make it seem like that. I'm not trying to say that evangelizing will make me more saved or anything. I just mean that if bringing someone to Christ is not enough progress for a night, I hope it will come with the added bonus of spiritual progress for myself and maybe even my parents or younger siblings or my sister's friends. God seems to like working like that.

And thank you for the encouragement and advice.

[Prof Underwood]

about half a year ago, my sister revealed to me that she was not a Christian, and has not been for some time. It concerned me at the time, but I didn't really know what to do about it, especially since I had been having doubts about Christianity at that time as well.

If your own faith is weak, you may not be in a very good position to evangelize.  Perhaps you could talk to her with someone else who is stronger in their faith, but who is also someone who she knows loves her and wouldn't be offended if they were involved.  It could be a mutual friend of yours and hers, or a parent (if she decides to let them in on her beliefs), etc.

I would only have myself to blame for her damnation, something which is now riddling me with guilt.

People make their own choices in life.  You are not responsible for them when they are bad, and you can't take credit for them when they are good.  Being riddled with guilt over someone else's choices is not from God.  Don't give in to that temptation.

I planned on talking to her tonight, trying to think of how to approach her and what to say

The best approach is probably to just share your feelings with her.  If you let her know that you love her and you show her that you sincerely are concerned that you may not get to share eternity together, then she probably won't be offended and angry.  She may not be convinced and may think you are being silly, but if anything she will have pity for you, not anger.

[BubbleBoy]

Alright, I finally worked up the guts to talk to my sister about this while driving her back to ISU. She reacted pretty much just as I had expected: She seemed totally hostile to the whole idea of Christianity, and she told me not to talk to her about it anymore. I don't think I really fully expressed how I felt, but I feel lucky* that I was even able to bring the subject up at all.

I am really concerned now. I kind of fantasized that maybe she would see how much I cared about her and her heart would be softened at least a little, but it seems like she is as hardened toward Christianity as I feared. And I'm not sure whether I should go against her wishes and continue to try to discuss this with her, even when I myself am not confident in my faith, or wether I should at least wait until I have a little confidence as to what I myself am doing before I make any more attempts to talk to her about this.

But whichever way, I would still appreciate your continued prayer and guidance in all this.

*Read: strengthened by God

[JSB23]

Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it. Proverbs 22:6

[BubbleBoy]

Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it. Proverbs 22:6

I'm not sure if my sister qualifies as a child anymore.

[Prof Underwood]

I'm not sure whether I should go against her wishes and continue to try to discuss this with her, even when I myself am not confident in my faith, or wether I should at least wait until I have a little confidence as to what I myself am doing before I make any more attempts to talk to her about this.

In general, I don't think it's a good idea to talk to someone more than once about the same controversial thing unless either they want to, or you have responsibility over that person.  I would probably recommend waiting until a time when she's more open.

Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it. Proverbs 22:6

Although this is a truism, it is not always true.  Proverbs are like odds.  They are things that you should do that are likely to turn out well.  But there are a lot of Godly parents out there who have 1 or more grown children who are now far from God in spite of them training them up well when they were a child.  I suspect that people simply throwing out the verse above causes those parents quite a lot of guilt and pain.

[jtay]

The best advice that I can give you is to make sure that she can see Christ in you.  Peace, patience, kindness, generosity, etc. (I forget the whole list).  Another opportunity will surely present itself.  And just remember that regardless of the fact that she rejected your message, a seed has been planted.  Keep praying for her.

[BubbleBoy]

I'm not sure whether I should go against her wishes and continue to try to discuss this with her, even when I myself am not confident in my faith, or wether I should at least wait until I have a little confidence as to what I myself am doing before I make any more attempts to talk to her about this.

In general, I don't think it's a good idea to talk to someone more than once about the same controversial thing unless either they want to, or you have responsibility over that person.  I would probably recommend waiting until a time when she's more open.

I was thinking/planning more or less the same thing, so I feel a little more comfortable now.

The best advice that I can give you is to make sure that she can see Christ in you.  Peace, patience, kindness, generosity, etc. (I forget the whole list).  Another opportunity will surely present itself.  And just remember that regardless of the fact that she rejected your message, a seed has been planted.  Keep praying for her.

Thank you. If nothing else, this gives me even more incentive to find my place in God's kingdom as soon as I can.