Maw-wage

[SomeKittens]

Yeah, me too.  Problem is, I'm not yet.

[COUNTER_SNIPER]

I've been praying and seeking on my own, and I've only determined one thing: I need help.  Maybe it was wrong of me to ask you guys, (you've been nothing but helpful) or maybe I'm just messed up beyond belief.
Two things are for sure:
1.) I'm going to get married sometime in the future
2.) I really, really don't want to.

I'm in the same boat with you.  ^I wrestle with those 2 things daily.  It's extremely difficult for me.  I wish I could give you the answer for this, but I haven't found that answer myself.  I'm glad to know that there's another person facing what sounds to me as the exact same thing...  Maybe we'll get our answer soon, hopefully really soon.  To my knowledge, you aren't messed up (Although I feel that way too  ), so don't lose hope.  There's an answer for this somewhere.

[SomeKittens]

To my knowledge, you aren't messed up (Although I feel that way too  )

Just wait until you read my testimony.  I have been seriously messed up before, and it's only by the grace of God that I'm able to send you this message today.

[Prof Underwood]

I can answer yes to 8 of them about my girlfriend, and don't say no to any of them. Does that mean I should get married anytime soon? Probably not. .

I think it means that you should work on the other 2

The same goes with marriage. Just start. It'll get better over time.

On the one hand you are right that a good marriage does get better with time (12th anniversary was Sunday).  On the other hand advising people to just get married regardless of problems and just hope they work out is naive.

I only met six of those conditions when I got married almost 17 years ago. I guess I better dump her, quick.   

Since I've met you and your wife, I know that in your case it worked out great.  God has blessed you both!  However, I don't think that you would recommend most of our forum members to follow the life that you lived would you?  I think they should make decisions looking at how they are likely to work out as opposed to looking at the exceptions.  Sure you might take a LS attacking with a 1/1 hero and no GEs every once in a while (when your opponent hasn't happened to draw an EC yet), but generally that isn't a good strategy

[Alex_Olijar]

That's not entirely true. Many decks want to try to rescue every turn, even if chances are slim.

[Ehud Cubed]

I've been praying and seeking on my own, and I've only determined one thing: I need help.  Maybe it was wrong of me to ask you guys, (you've been nothing but helpful) or maybe I'm just messed up beyond belief.
Two things are for sure:
1.) I'm going to get married sometime in the future
2.) I really, really don't want to.

I have the opposite status of both these points, I really want to get married, but as of now I have no girlfriend, or any prospects, and all the women I know are either married, 10 years older, 10 years younger, or related to me.
In matters like this, I have found that the laid back approach works the best. I am much more at peace since I stopped worrying about how God would lead me to a wife, and just trusting that he would. If marriage is really what God wants for you, ask God to change your heart on the matter, otherwise ask for peace about not wanting to be married.

[BubbleBoy]

On the one hand you are right that a good marriage does get better with time (12th anniversary was Sunday).  On the other hand advising people to just get married regardless of problems and just hope they work out is naive.

I don't believe that's what I said. If you live in a den of bears, don't marry a bear. You need to use a little bit of common sense. Like for example, you should probably find a mate who is also a Christian. I think it might even say that somewhere in the Bible, though I couldn't say where. (Solomon comes to mind here.) Also, although it may be appropriate in rare occassions, marrying someone with an age difference of 20 years or more is probably not a good idea most of the time. Etc...

However, the most important thing to remember is to follow God's call, and don't try to fool your own instinct. Don't use your own convoluted reasoning to decide whether you are ready to get married. If you are apprehensive about the idea of getting married despite knowing that God wants you to, don't excuse yourself out of it by using a long list of qualifications which you know you cannot fulfill.

[YourMathTeacher]

However, I don't think that you would recommend most of our forum members to follow the life that you lived would you? 

That's pretty presumptuous to think my past had anything to do with my ability to meet the conditions of your list. I would certainly not recommend my former life to anyone, but I have no regrets about my decision to go to Liberty University and turn a wasted life around. I met my future wife after that change occurred. God's strength was (and still is) perfected in my weakness. That is what my wife saw in me that was worth taking a chance on.

I think they should make decisions looking at how they are likely to work out as opposed to looking at the exceptions.  

I'm certain there are just as many (if not more) couples who met all ten of your suggestions and still got divorced after a few years. With God all things are possible. My wife looked at my heart, even though I had very rough edges. There are plenty of people that make stupid choices, but I think most of the guys on this message board are smarter than that. If there's anything that the above-average person knows, it is that life is more than what you see on the surface. My wife saw something that others (including myself) did not see. That's God at work and I am profoundly grateful that God gave me the opportunity to have a happiness that I did not deserve.

Sometimes faith supercedes logic.

[COUNTER_SNIPER]

[ Like for example, you should probably find a mate who is also a Christian. I think it might even say that somewhere in the Bible, though I couldn't say where.

Actually I believe an even better example of this is found in one of the 4 Gospels in which Christ mentions that you should not be unequally yoked.

[YourMathTeacher]

Actually I believe an even better example of this is found in one of the 4 Gospels in which Christ mentions that you should not be unequally yoked.

That just means that you and your wife should be about the same height and weight. 

[Alex_Olijar]

If pulling heavy loads that is.

[COUNTER_SNIPER]

Actually I believe an even better example of this is found in one of the 4 Gospels in which Christ mentions that you should not be unequally yoked.

That just means that you and your wife should be about the same height and weight. 

If pulling heavy loads that is.

LOOOOOOOOOL!!!!!! That's a little harsh!! (Funny, but a tad harsh )

[Prof Underwood]

you should probably find a mate who is also a Christian...However, the most important thing to remember is to follow God's call

Following "God's call" sounds great, and is a great idea.  However, that is a very subjective and feelings-based way to live life without some objective source to check it against.  That source should be the Bible.  And according to the Bible if you are a Christian, you DEFINITELY should find a mate who is also a Christian.  You may "feel God calling" you to do otherwise, but that "feeling" is NOT from God.  God does not contradict Himself and His Word.  This type of ambiguity that you state above is why I think it is so important for people to use logic to make decisions more than they use feelings.

That's pretty presumptuous to think my past had anything to do with my ability to meet the conditions of your list...I'm certain there are just as many (if not more) couples who met all ten of your suggestions and still got divorced after a few years...

1 - I don't mean to insult you or your choices from your youth.  I just know that you've been open on the forum about how you made some bad choices a long time ago and how God transformed your life.  I didn't know how far back that was, but if you've been married 17 years, I imagined that it wasn't too long before that (you don't seem that old).  I apologize for any offense there.

2 - I disagree about the divorce point though.  I would guess that the number of marriages that start off with the 10 things on my list and end up in divorce is hugely lower than the normal divorce rate.

Sometimes faith supersedes logic.

Please see my response to BB above.

[Mr.Hiatus]

bad of a Redemption player to get married."

Ahahaha, that's pretty funny.

I have had over a 100% in every religon class sence 6th grade, this includes the normal bible stories, a Church docrine class to a class that we explore and learn about other religons. and the Girl I am Dating right now is really a dream.

Stick to religion and not literature/grammar.  

[BubbleBoy]

Following "God's call" sounds great, and is a great idea.  However, that is a very subjective and feelings-based way to live life without some objective source to check it against.  That source should be the Bible.  And according to the Bible if you are a Christian, you DEFINITELY should find a mate who is also a Christian.  You may "feel God calling" you to do otherwise, but that "feeling" is NOT from God.  God does not contradict Himself and His Word.  This type of ambiguity that you state above is why I think it is so important for people to use logic to make decisions more than they use feelings.

You seem to be twisting my words again. I never said it was okay for a Christian to marry a non-Christian. I just wasn't sure whether it said something on the matter in the Bible (and I still am not because I haven't seen a scripture reference yet), and if it doesn't then I don't want to be presumptuous and say that Christians must marry Christians.

You also seem to be changing your point, which makes it difficult for me to form a solid argument. You are now saying that people should look at the Bible to see whether they are ready to get married, correct? Are your ten points derived from the Bible? If so, I would like to see the supporting verses, and if not...well...I would be more cautious about using that list with such surity.

And by the way, I hope I am not offending anyone here, but it is difficult to show the same respect in the tone of voice on the boards that I would use in real life. And I know I may seem to be making personal attacks sometimes, but I am really trying my best not to without dimming my argument.

[COUNTER_SNIPER]

(and I still am not because I haven't seen a scripture reference yet)

14Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?

2 Corinthians 6:14

[BubbleBoy]

14Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?

2 Corinthians 6:14

Okay, thank you. I thought there was a verse about that. So, you should strive to find a fellow Christian as a mate.

However, I still might say that since these are Paul's words from a letter and not one of God's ten commandments or anything there could be a case in which God calls you to marry a non-Christian, or at least marry someone in the future who is not a Christian in the present.

[COUNTER_SNIPER]

14Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?

2 Corinthians 6:14

Okay, thank you. I thought there was a verse about that. So, you should strive to find a fellow Christian as a mate.

However, I still might say that since these are Paul's words from a letter and not one of God's ten commandments or anything there could be a case in which God calls you to marry a non-Christian, or at least marry someone in the future who is not a Christian in the present.

I've had at least 2 family members attempt that. One is now separated and has 2 children that now have a broken home, and the other has managed to stay with their spouse, but in past years was subject to heavy mental abuse, has 2 kids that aren't following God in the least, and only recently has their spouse begun attending church.  Whether he is a Christian or not I am unsure.  I'd be leery with the idea of "I'll get them to come to Christ after we get married."  Often times it is they who will have more of an impact on YOU.  Just read God's word, evaluate the standards you believe God has given you versus the standards of the person you have thoughts about marrying.  If they don't match or especially if they are considerably lower than yours, you need to think real hard about the decision.  If their standards are higher, it doesn't hurt to learn more about them and see if they will over time bring you up to their level (Don't try to bring them DOWN to your level lol...)

[beenredeemed]

I've been praying and seeking on my own, and I've only determined one thing: I need help.  Maybe it was wrong of me to ask you guys, (you've been nothing but helpful) or maybe I'm just messed up beyond belief.
Two things are for sure:
1.) I'm going to get married sometime in the future
2.) I really, really don't want to.

SK - can you explain this a little better?  Is it "there is someone in my life and I'm not sure I want to marry HER", or "there is no one in my life and I am not sure I ever want to MARRY at all"?

If it is "I'm not sure I want to marry HER", then as a 15 year marriage veteran with 2 year engagement in front of that for a total 17 years with one woman, I'll tell you that the PROF's list (while not a guarantee of a successful marriage) coupled with ALOT of prayer, is a great place to start.  Those are definitely necessary ingredients to a successful marriage.

If it is "I'm not sure I ever want to get married", why do you think you have to?  Paul said in 1 Corinthians 7:8 " 8Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I am."  There's no law that says you have to get married.  Keep praying and seek God's will for your life.  God may have a calling for you that it would be better if you were unmarried.  But truly, unless there is someone in your life right now that is causing you to ask this question, I don't think you need to swear off marriage just yet.  Marriage and children are the biggest blessings - 2nd only to salvation - and the biggest spiritual teaching/learning tools that God has given me in this life.

I'll be praying for you.

[SomeKittens]

I have the opposite status of both these points, I really want to get married, but as of now I have no girlfriend, or any prospects, and all the women I know are either married, 10 years older, 10 years younger, or related to me.
In matters like this, I have found that the laid back approach works the best. I am much more at peace since I stopped worrying about how God would lead me to a wife, and just trusting that he would. If marriage is really what God wants for you, ask God to change your heart on the matter, otherwise ask for peace about not wanting to be married.

This was me before God started speaking to me about this.  I would work on my career, and He'd find me a wife.  Simple as pie.  Now, I've improved tremendously in my spiritual life, and my career, while not exactly taking off, is definitely taxing to the runway.

SK - can you explain this a little better?  Is it "there is someone in my life and I'm not sure I want to marry HER", or "there is no one in my life and I am not sure I ever want to MARRY at all"?

I'll be praying for you.

Er...  There is someone in my life, and I'm not sure I ever want to marry at all.  The latter opinion was formed before her.
Thanks for your prayer.  I need it.

However, the most important thing to remember is to follow God's call, and don't try to fool your own instinct. Don't use your own convoluted reasoning to decide whether you are ready to get married. If you are apprehensive about the idea of getting married despite knowing that God wants you to, don't excuse yourself out of it by using a long list of qualifications which you know you cannot fulfill.

^Thank you very much.  I needed to hear this.

I seem to have a knack for starting discussion.

[BubbleBoy]

However, the most important thing to remember is to follow God's call, and don't try to fool your own instinct. Don't use your own convoluted reasoning to decide whether you are ready to get married. If you are apprehensive about the idea of getting married despite knowing that God wants you to, don't excuse yourself out of it by using a long list of qualifications which you know you cannot fulfill.

^Thank you very much.  I needed to hear this.

You are most welcome kind sir.

I seem to have a knack for starting discussion.

Yeah, honesty will do that.

[beenredeemed]

Er...  There is someone in my life, and I'm not sure I ever want to marry at all.  The latter opinion was formed before her.
Thanks for your prayer.  I need it.



[/quote]

Out of curiosity, what are your reasons for not wanting to get married at all, regardless of to whom?

[SomeKittens]

From what I hear, Post-Marriage sounds great.  It's the before stuff I don't like.  My ideal wedding would be any one that occurred yesterday.  Getting into and keeping personal relationships alive is hard for me, albeit getting easier.  I'm also a chronic worrier, and that doesn't help one bit.
I guess it could be summed up as "I'm afraid of what could go wrong".  Brilliant, I know.

[COUNTER_SNIPER]

From what I hear, Post-Marriage sounds great.  It's the before stuff I don't like.  My ideal wedding would be any one that occurred yesterday.  Getting into and keeping personal relationships alive is hard for me, albeit getting easier.  I'm also a chronic worrier, and that doesn't help one bit.
I guess it could be summed up as "I'm afraid of what could go wrong".  Brilliant, I know.

Weddings scare me (o.O)

[YourMathTeacher]

Sometimes faith supersedes logic.

Please see my response to BB above.

Your response to BB was about feelings vs. logic. I was talking about faith. If you think I can't tell the difference, then it appears you are not as sorry about insulting me as you stated.