Helping a Widow

[browarod]

But if any widow have children or nephews, let them learn first to shew piety at home, and to requite their parents: for that is good and acceptable before God.

Exactly how far does this extend? How much is enough and/or when can more be expected?

Here's the story:

My mother has been a widow for 8 years now (she's now in her 50's); my sisters and I are all in our twenties (though I'm still in college). One of my sisters sends money to my mom every month, I make sure to spend at least one weekend a month there to help her with whatever she needs, and my other sister used to spend one day a week there until the last couple years when she's been busy with her 2 kids. Her husband is a financial adviser and he has spent many hours (for free!) working on options and information for my mother to help her with her finances.

My mother likes to shove the above quoted verse in our faces to say that we don't do enough, that we should he helping her more, etc. etc. The reality is that we help her literally the most that we can around our own lives (in my case, school and my on-campus job) but it's not enough to her. Everything we do is insufficient apparently, and this verse is the only thing she quotes. In addition to that, my bro-in-law has given her specific steps she should take: specific amounts of money she's getting in relation to the money she's spending, things she needs to cut back on, ways to reduce her monthly payments, etc. Yet she continues to spend money on things she doesn't need and sinks further into debt.

I'm convinced that this verse should not be the all-encompassing, "you need to sacrifice your own lives to help the widow"-type thing that my mother seems to think it is, and frankly we're all at our wit's end as to how to deal with her. We've given her steps to take, we do things for her often, but she still is convinced we don't help her at all (and sometimes tells her friends that so then they get all uppity with us, too). Some visits it's hard to love her because of how ungrateful she is and how she treats me when we inevitably don't get as much done as she wanted.

[Prof Underwood]

The first part of that verse is a command for the widow to show piety.  The dictionary defines that word to mean "1.  The quality of being religious or reverent.  2.  The quality of being dutiful."

From what you have described it does NOT sound like your mom is being dutiful.  If she is spurning the advice of a professional financial adviser when she is already in debt, then she falls more into the category of the fool in Proverbs who despises wisdom.  God certainly wants us to help out the poor and especially our own family.  But the Bible also says to NOT throw your pearls before swine.

If you and your siblings are providing your Mom with enough to live on, and she decides to throw it away, then you should let her deal with the consequences of her choices.  By coming to her rescue, you are just enabling these bad behavior patterns.

It is quite possible that her negative spending habits are symptom of a broader problem (perhaps emotional, perhaps chemical, perhaps spiritual, etc.)  My suggestion would be to continue to support her with your love, and with enough money to live on, but to not give more than that and not feel guilty about it.  I also suggest trying to get to talk with her to discover what is at the root of her problems and pray to God to help solve those issues.

[Maynid]

I agree with Prof.  If your mother could somehow come to the knowledge that we should not use Bible verses as stones, she might move toward graciousness.