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A guy wanted to play bass in a band. The band told him, "Okay, but you will  have to have 1/3 of your brain removed." So the guy went into surgery. When he  woke up, the doctor said, "I'm terribly sorry, but we made a mistake and  accidentally removed 3/4's of your brain instead. You're now a drummer".



A man goes to a pacific island for vacation. As the boat nears, he notices the  constant sound of drumming. As he gets off the boat, he asks a native how long  the drumming will go on. The native casts about nervously and says "very bad  when drumming stops."
 Later that day, the drumming is still going and it is really starting to get to him. So,  he asks another native when the drumming will stop. The native looks as if he's  just been spooked. "Very bad when drumming stops," he says, and hurries off.

After a couple of days with little sleep, the man had had enough. He grabbed the  first native he saw, slammed him up against a tree, and shouted, "What happens  when the drumming stops?!"

The native replied, "Bass solo."


St. Peter was checking ID's at the pearly gates. He asks the first man, "What did  you do on Earth?" The man replied, "I was a doctor." St. Peter says, "OK, go  right through those two shiny gates to your left.

 "Next person! What did you do on Earth?" , "I was a school teacher."
 "OK, ..through those two gates and to the left.

 "Next! ..And what did you do on Earth?" . "Oh, I was a musician."
 "All right, go around to the back door, up the freight elevator, through the kitchen  and..."


A customer walks into the brand new store downtown that sells brains. There  are three glass cases, each containing a nice wet quivering gray brain. The first one  says "SCIENTIST", and it costs $100. The second says "ELECTRICIAN" and  costs $1000. The third says "DRUMMER" and costs $10,000. The customer is  confused, and questions the salesperson.
 "I don't get it...why would I want a drummer's brain for $10,000 when I can get  an scientist's brain for $100?".

 The salesman replied, "Because, it's never been used."


Two cowboys were waiting in their bunkers for the Indians to attack. They  listened to the distant pounding war drums.
 One cowboy muttered to the other, "I don't like the sound of them drums."
 Just then, an Indian voice came over the hill, "It's not our usual drummer!"

I took a "Music in Film" class last year with a man whose daughter was to marry a drummer.  He had many drummer jokes...

What's the difference between a drummer and a large pizza?
A large pizza can feed a family of four.

Why did the bassist break the car window?
The drummer was locked inside.

What did the drummer say to the band before they fired him?
"Hey guys, let's record some of my songs!"

How can you tell a drummer's at the door?
The knocking speeds up.

Hey, did you hear about the drummer who finished high school?
Me either.

Why are drummers always losing their watches?
Everyone knows they have trouble keeping time.

What is the difference between a drummer and a savings bond?
One will mature and make money.

Q. What's the difference between a chain saw and a viola?
A. You can play music with a chain saw.

Q: What is the requirement for a finalist in the International Viola Competition?
A: A finalist must be able to hold his Viola from memory.

Q. How do you stop a busload of violists from going over a cliff?
A. You don't.

Once a cobra bit Chuck Norris' leg. Five days later after suffering through excruciating pain, the cobra died.

This is music jokes, not Chuck Norris jokes.

Quote from: Lawfuldog on July 24, 2009, 06:53:55 PM

Once a cobra bit Chuck Norris' leg. Five days later after suffering through excruciating pain, the cobra died.

This is music jokes, not Chuck Norris jokes.

Colin, YOU are a music joke.

Oh, burned.

Quote from: Lawfuldog on July 24, 2009, 07:00:46 PM

Quote from: Colin Michael on July 24, 2009, 06:54:57 PM

Quote from: Lawfuldog on July 24, 2009, 06:53:55 PM

Once a cobra bit Chuck Norris' leg. Five days later after suffering through excruciating pain, the cobra died.

This is music jokes, not Chuck Norris jokes.

Colin, YOU are a music joke.

Oh, burned.

Learn an instrument and then tell me that.

I can play a Choctaw Flute. Does that make me a musician?

Huh, I can play the piano, steel drums, and oboe...

Colin, YOU are a music joke.

Contra-Bass Saxophone.

You're on.

As, was the fact that I play the Contra-Bass Sax, I do play the Baritone Sax though.

The trick isn't playing it, the trick is having the immediate air support, If I gave you a month I sure you could play it.

Touche.

I would think that I could pick it up just as fast because of the fact that I actually do play saxophone....

You know what they say, those who cannot do teach. those who cannot teach play drums.


^^
1 1 See what I did there

I guarantee anyone on the boards that I can play any instrument better than they can.

You're on! Violas at dawn.

Q. What's the difference between a viola and a lawn mower?
A. A lawn mower can blend in with a string quartet.

Q. Why do violists always gather on the front stoop?
A. Because violists are never certain when to come in.

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