My wife and I had our first date on a no date!?
I use to work with single ministries. One that I had been a part of had an annual fall party, and some of my friends from that group had invited me back to see everyone. One of the things I did as a leader of the ministries was to try and make people feel a part of the group. I usually did this by starting conversations with new people but making sure to draw other members of the ministry into the conversation and then fading out myself. The idea was to get a newbie talking with some of the older members.
Well the night of the party, I saw a young lady sitting on the other side of the fire, whom seemed to be bored. A friend had just handed me a knife and pumpkin for the pumpkin carving contest; which I hate doing; so I used it as an opportunity to start a conversation with the young lady. I asked her to help me carve the pumpkin; she drew the face, and I would gut the pumpkin. While carving, I managed to make her smile and commented that she had a lovely smile; which it was especially by fire light. Note - at this point I am not nor have I had any thoughts of dating this girl, I am still in ministry mode and trying to make her feel welcomed.
We talked for about another hour, while everyone finished their pumpkins; which kept everyone else busy and thus I could not find anyone else to draw into the conversation. Later, there was a hay ride, so we talked further as we walked to the hayride. She made it clear that she was looking for a single ministry, and she seemed like a cool lady, so I asked if I could get her number. Note – I am still in ministry mode. At this time I was helping with another ministry in town that I thought she could benefit from.
Well, she did not respond, and I thought “Did I offend her?” You have to realize that it was very common for me to get together every week with various single guys and gals for lunch or dinner, to talk with them. On average, I would spend 10 hours a week on the phone just keeping up with the members of the ministry. So, for me to ask for a number to get together with a young lady, who was a part of the ministry, was not uncommon; although she did not know this.
After an awkward few moments, we realized we had missed our turn, and walked past the hayride; which was good timing to break-up her silence. We doubled back to the hayride, and I helped her up. Then I stayed on the ground to help the other ladies on. It was at that moment that I thought “Shot, with her getting on before me, someone else will sit next to her.” And, then I realized that I did no longer like this girl just from a ministry point of view.
Well needless to say, I was very happy to see once the last person had gotten on board, she was still standing up on the wagon, waiting on me! After the ride, we spent somewhere between 4 to 6 hours talking in the middle of a grass maze; there was a platform in the middle that allowed you to sit and watch people try to find their way out.
I would say that by the end of the night, we held hands, but that would be lying. At about 3:00 am, we had our first kiss!!! I really do not recommend that kind of speed dating to anyone. I have seen way to many people fall for the ‘falling in love’ trap. In my case, though our action was not wise, God protected us. We were both at a point in our lives where we were serious about dating. Dating was not a game to play, but a means of finding the spouse God would have for us. Another words, that kiss was not just an enjoyment, but a very serious sign of commitment from each of us.
I am happy to report that one day shy of that night, we were married. Now after 7 ½ years of good and bad times, after me doing some very boneheaded things, and the recent birth of premature twin girls, we are happily still married.
Do not look for the right person. There is no such thing. Sure, you have to have connections; Jesus of course being the most important. Look for someone who takes marriage seriously, someone who does not see divorce as an option. In my case, I was fortunate enough to meet that someone at a fall party.
